The Sundowning Effect

That Was Random

What if randomness is in fact spiritual order? Following this logic, I may have to look at my children as my spiritual teachers. Considering how random they can be, they must be wise beyond my comprehension.

The Homeschool Experiment

   There are hundreds of reasons a parent chooses to home school their child. Mine was a choice of necessity. Our oldest son, Jonathan was in danger of never learning to read. The school's endless assessments determined that our third grader would not progress beyond the level of a first semester kindergartener. Translation, the educators at his school had tried to reach Jonathan by every means they knew and came up empty. All agreed that Jonathan was a brilliant boy. We could all agree that somewhere in his head was the knowledge that we all worked so hard to provide. The school could not grade Jonathan until he regurgitated lessons learned.

   I was told by Jonathan's teachers it appeared that the only person who could open the pathway into Jonathan's mind was his mother. "Oh boy", I thought,"I am his mother. Are they saying that I have to be his teacher too? Just being his mother every day exhausts me. How can I be his teacher? I didn't even earn a college
degree. There has got to me someone else who can do this."

 At the time, there wasn't. For many weeks I bargained and begged the Universe to show me a better way. Then I had a dream. I dreamed that there was a new teacher in Jonathan's life. She was energetic,fun and loving toward my boy. Everyone adored her techniques and knew her to be the best teacher around. The only feature I could remember about this woman was her dark hair and her kind smile. This woman was my dream for my son. I adored her.

That week the elementary school announced there would be a new director of the resource center (special education). I knew it would be my dream woman who would free me of worry. I was elated. Moments later I learned that the woman who would be filling this position did not fit my dream description at all.

When I met the director she was pushy, bossy and filled with the belief that her methods were the only ones that would work for my son. There was no room for conversation,creativity or input of any kind. If I wanted to discuss anything concerning my child, I could make an appointment for the next month. I was crushed.

There were more incidents and misunderstandings. We continued to butt heads and Jonathan continued to sink in despair. His crying increased. His lack of understanding and ability to connect were at a desperate level. I watched my son shut down. For the sake of my child, I became braver than I thought possible.

Weeks of research, interviews and conversations all pointed to the best teacher my son could wish for. Imagine my surprise when I surrendered to my son's savior..me.